What should I do with the rest of my life? True stories of finding success, passion and new meaning in the second half of life/ Bruce Frankel

9781101185964

Very readable. I enjoyed this a lot, and inspired too.

2010 publication.

“Profiles of people who have succeeded after sixty”. Ordinary working-class/ homemakers who, still living at the time of writing, achieved significant success only after turning 60.

Observes they also tend to maintain healthy diets, exercise regularly, challenge themselves, try new things and experiences, and have varied social connections. Tend to be more spiritual than religious.

“goal setting, challenge, and follow-through are fundamental to well-being and success”.

Author’s mother also had a story to tell.

Quotes Henry David Thoreau: “I have learned that if one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life he has imagined, he will meet with a success in an uncommon hour.”

Margie Stoll, 68; took up competitive running at 60 and wins regularly at Senior Games. Breast cancer survivor. Competitive streak; had talent but never developed when young. Enlisted a coach 10 years her junior; trained hard.

Harry Bernstein, 93; faced decades of rejections for his writings. 80 years between his first publication and his first financially successful novel, The Invisible Wall. He worked in some writing-related job and pursuing writing interests in his spare time. decided to take up writing again at age 93 after his wife died (his daughter urged him to do something to get out of the depression). he wrote what he knew, which was his childhood and life in poverty through the depression. Found he was good at fictionalising from his own experiences. Finally found acclaim for his prestigious awards. Credits his late wife for her unstinting support. Harry said it took him a long time to realise what it means to “write what he knows”; (I thought it’s also time and timing).
Christopher Award; Christopher Credo: “Better to light one candle than to curse the darkness”.

Dana Dakin; investment analysis. As she turned 60 she starting a micro finance scheme in a village in Ghana. “I became determined to greet the youth of old age by giving back”.

Robert Iadeluca; 89. Lost his PR comms job in 1972, at age 52, during economic crisis. Enrolled in grad sch; obtained PhD at 59, began new career as a research psychologist. At 69 he volunteered to be a hospital intern; obtained certification to treat alcoholism and substance abuse; full-time therapist at age 72. Computer-literate. Manages an online group at SeniorLearn.com. His philosophy is that he expects to live to 100 so he treats his body accordingly. Suggests therapeutic talk and learning stimulates and influences brain chemistry. (reading his story, I realised his various learning and career decisions had a certain logical and circumstantial flow to it. While he may not have predicted his future, he had a knack of sticking to a decision and seeing it through).

Linda Brown/ Alidra Solday. Psychotherapist turned filmmaker. Sat in film classes while working full time; progressed to short courses on related activities. Finally inspired by Stephen Levon’s book “A year to live: how to live this year as if it were your last”. Near 60′ she decided to embark on making a documentary about Doris Hadock, “Granny D goes to Washington”, which won awards and acclaim, after much personal risks and tribulations (this account would be a great discussion piece).

Thomas Dwyer. Sought something to do after his retirement. Was about to start a private investigation business when he was inspired, thanks to his elder brother of 62, to join a dance troop for seniors (Dancers of the Third Age). No dance background but worked hard enough to be accepted into a modern dance troop.

Lorette Thayer, 76. Wife of a diary farmer. At nearly 70, she decided to risk her savings and started a neighbourhood diner to sell homemade pies. Sustained for years and doing well by her standards in spite of the depressed economy.

Naomi Wilzig. Wife of a banker. Started a museum of erotic art at 70, after spending 15 years collecting them. Managed to establish herself as authority on sexual art.

Theodore Ludwiczak. Retired contact lens grinder. Started rock carving by chance, at 61. Still at it at 82. Has a reputation as a folk artist. He decided to crave another after the first one because the single one looked “lonely”. Which led to one more, and yet one more. People stopped to ask and were genuinely curious. He was encouraged by their positive reception that he continued and became better at it. He lived through the Nazi invasion ofPoland in his childhood.

Nancy Gagliano, 68. Her dream was to teach. But wasn’t able to attend college as her parents thought it unnecessary then. She married; had kids, took on jobs. She went back to college at age 45. Suffered chronic fatigue at one point; terminated from her job because of it. Eventually obtained a degree at 50. Finally, when opportunity presented itself, she took on substitute teaching roles. Partly due to financial circumstances, she decided to ask for a permanent teaching position at age 66. She knew it would take her another few more years to obtain full accreditation.

Myrna Hoffman. Single mom. Struggled to put her creatIve toy-idea to market (took 20 plus years eventually). Award winning toy (anamorphic) but stymied by a licensee. Then at 58, with her daughter an adult, she sought help and learned at a women’s business centre (business planning, using Excel, figuring the sums). Entered a business plan contest organized by Oprah Oxygen Network; selected as one of the winners. Acknowledges she may not be successful, by relative standards yet, but is upbeat of the journey. She says has a viable business rather than worrying about market forces (financial crisis) that she cannot control.

Ira & Barbara Smith, 79. Ira retired at 60 (suffered work-related depression for years). They first allowed their garage to be used as a distribution point for used furniture and household appliances, to be picked up by new immigrants/ recovering addicts/ homeless. Later they took initiative to collect and deliver used items for free, with only the two of them — at 60 plus — doing the moving. They were able to move heavy items by thinking rather than just brute strength. They reached a stage that they decided to start a fund raising organization.

Betty Reid Soskin, 87, social activist.Spoke up against racial segregation in her younger years. Series of activist roles to improve welfare of neighbourhood. Hired as a political aide when she was 78. Blogs at cbreaux.blogspot.com

VALIS/ Philip K. Dick

ISBN: 0679734465

“Vast Active Living Intelligence System”. In the book, it’s introduced as a movie.

Set in the drug-culture ’70s era.

This work takes time and patience to read. Not a particularly easy-read in terms of flow, though the writing is quite concise and direct.

Reading this was like peeling off subtle layers of the protagonist’s (named Horselover Fat; an anagram?) mind, to finally reveal the core. Yet not quite sure if there was one, or an end.

At first reading, it was like the commentaries on Christianity’s concept of God in “Transmigration of Timothy Archer”. Or one could interpret this as a man, living in North America in the 70s, influenced by the effects of psychedelic drugs and trying to find the meaning of his existence.

P120. Author’s postulation that Horselover Fat encounter with god could really be an encounter with a future self.
P122. that Horselover Fat may be experiencing the Buddhist concept of enlightenment.

P139-144. summary of the movie, VALIS.

The transmigration of Timothy Archer/ Philip K. Dick

ISBN: 0679734449

The last part of a trilogy (VALIS; the Divine Invasion). Book blurb: “… An anguished, learned, and very moving investigation of the paradoxes of belief.”

Philip K. Dick writes in a manner than convinces me that the protagonist is real. As in, the protagonist comes across as a very real character. In fact, all the characters seem convincing.

Timothy Archer is an Episcopal bishop. Apparently a well-known and respected one, though also known for his controversial views of church doctrines.

The book is told from the perspective of the Tim’s daughter-in-law, Angel Archer, ranging from the basis of Christianity to related philosophies. There is a find, which Tim suspects that could predate Jesus and worries that it would shake the foundation of the religion.

Through the characters and mostly through Angel’s thoughts, we are introduced to diverse subjects from religion to mental illness to Indian philosophy.

And in the end, the one person who appeared the most sane and rational, Angel, turns out to be also someone who has sort of deceived herself in how/ who she chooses to believe.

Early on, we are told of Tim’s death. The title alludes to how Tim appears to be ‘re-born’ (or Transmigrated, to be more exact) to Bill, who is Kirsten’s schizophrenic son.

It reminded me of Persig’s “Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance”, the kind of philosophical context surrounding the characters and their settings. E.g. The protagonist’s conversation with Bill (the schizophrenic son of Kisten — the woman having a relationship with the protagonist’s father-in-law).

a nice quote: P31. “… If you wish to conquer us, show us love not scorn. Faith moves mountains, love moves human hearts. The people opposing you are people, not things. Your enemy is not men but ignorant men. Don’t confuse the men with their ignorance.”

Life of Pi/ Yann Martel

“It’s not pronounced ‘Pee’; it’s ‘Pie’”, my wife corrected me. “‘Life of Pie‘”.

This book truly deserved the Man Booker prize. It’s not an easy book to classify, but I’d go with “Humourous Philosophical Fiction”, as it would make you think and ponder. And funny to boot. The intro by the author already intrigued me. A story that will make me believe in God. Hmm.

Told from the viewpoint of Pi, Piscine Molitor Patel in full. Imagine growing up with a name like. Which in Chpt 5 the protagonist explains how his name was made fun of, and how he managed to get everyone to call him by his nickname ‘Pi’ (as in Pi = 3.14, the ? Of a circle) which I found hilarious.

You can’t help but like this kid, Piscine. His attitude towards religion, sense of the world. There is an spirited innonence to it. I wouldn’t call
him naïve.

I found this story to be about human courage and survival. Of mental tenacity. Our need for a goal in life. Any goal it seems. And to be able to
express love for something other than ourselves. That seems to be the key to survival.

Chpt 81, p225: the part where he described himself as about eating like an animal. In essence, we humans are all animals. When we strip away all the layers of learned social norms and behaviours, we find our base instincts no different from any other lifeforms on Earth. It’s also a story about guilt, & redemption.

Chpt 95 onwards – Pi shares two versions of the story. Which ones would the Japanese officials believe?

Chpt 8 – on man being the most dangerous animal, and cruelty to zoo animals (are they true? Really such cases?). And their father’s “lesson” in the danger of wild beasts (reminds me of the advice in SA travel guide!)

Chpt 9 p40 – singapore zoo mentioned (implied as world-class)

Chpt 16 – 29: on his encounters and embracing Christianity, Hinduism, Islam. Simulataneous encounters with all 3 religious elders & arguments about whether a person can adopt & worship all 3 religions at the same time. “Bapuji Gandhi said all religions are true. I just want to love God” p69.

Chpt 31, p 84. Last few lines of the chapt, where the two Mr. Kumars stood side by side, each expressing his appreciation of the animals differently (one called the zebra by the scientific name while the other thanked god. There’s a subtle message here: how a man of science & a man of god can both see the same thing, view it differently, and still be happy and not beat each other’s brains about it. They didn’t try to impose their values on others. Perhaps that’s the key to peace.

Chpt 36, p 93 “This story has a happy ending” as if to assure us that what follows in next chapter is going to suggest otherwise.

Chpt 60, p177 – on perspectives: “my suffering was finite, insignificant”

Chpt 71, p202: instructions on how to tame Richard Parker — subtly funny. And who’s Richard Parker? You’ll have to find out.

Chapter 96 – 100. A bit of a rambling but it builds up to the part where Pi shares a second, and much more concise, story of what might have really happened. Which story did the Japanese officials believe in the end? The one with the Animals or the one without? Why did Pi come up with two stories? Why did he thank the Japanese official, Mr. Okamoto, after the Japanese replied that he liked the story with the animals better? And why did he add, “And so it goes with God.” In the end, why did the Japanese officials submit the version with the animals?

Tag: life of pi

The Alchemist/ Paulo Coelho

Other title: "The Alchemist: A fable about following your dreams" (which kind of tells you what's the story about).

Gist of story – The protoganist, a sherpard, has a dream. He gets his dream interpreted by a gypsy. Didn't believe the gypsy. But a self-proclaimed king speaks to him and says the same thing. The sherpard believes him and sells off his sheep. Ends up in a place where he gets swindled but he ends up working for a crystal shop and makes it good. He makes his way to eygpt but not before stopping by an oasis. He meets an Alchemist. Eventually he gets to eygpt and finds the treasure.

I think this is one book that you'll enjoy if you take time to comtemplate. I say this because personally, I wouldn't really appreciate the story if I'm strung out on caffeine.

Straight-forward storytelling and some might say the plot isn't fantastic. But the real strength of the Coelho's brand of storytelling is in how the reader has to analyse the story and read between the lines. You can say it's a drawn out parable. There's a morale to the story but you have to interpret it yourself.

A useful book for book discussions. You can get quite insightful discussions but I must say Coelho's works aren't everyone's cup of tea.

Rough Notes:

• p3. he would have to start reading thicker books
• P5. usually learn more from my sheep than from my books p10. father gave him money to start flock. Passing his dreams on. Which is OK, provided the other person's dream is the same. The problem comes when we try to impose our dreams on others.
• p16. repeats this theme

The fifth mountain/ Paulo Coelho

I didn’t quite get what Paulo Coelho’s introduction alluded to, until after reading the last page of the book. I think that’s the beauty of this particular story.

ISBN: 0060175443/ 0722536542
NLB Call No.: COE
Click here to check for item availability.

In his introduction, Coelho gave an example of how he was suddenly dismissed from his job when his career was at its peak. So basically, the story attempts to answer the question of why problems and tragedies seem to befall on people when they are at their most secure and confident time of their lives.

The Fifth mountain tells the story of the Bible’s Prophet Elijah from Elijah’s perspective — his escape from persecution and then winding up in the city of Akbar.

The chapters are short and succint. I borrowed this so that I had something to read on my 16-hour flight to Oslo, Norway. Finished it when I touched down in Norway. Perfect timing.

The writing was simply poetry in motion to me. Very Zen.

Little wonder that Coelho’s works are labelled as “Spiritual Fiction”. Fifth Mountain was my first Coelho’s story. If this is representative of Coelho’s works, I’m definitely going to read more.

P. 21: Souls too, like rivulets and plants, needed a different kind of rain: hope, faith, a reason to live. When this did not come to pass, everything in that soul died, even if the body went on living

P. 64: The high priest knew that, of all the weapons of destruction that man could invent, the most terrible — and the most powerful — was the word. Daggers and spears left traces of blood; arrows could be seen at a distance. Poisons were detected in the end and avoided. But the word managed to destroy without leaving clues.

P. 128: “All life’s battles teach us something, even those we lose. When you grow up, you’ll discover that you have defended lies, deceived yourself, or suffered for foolishness. If you are a good warrior, you will not blame yourself for this, but neither will you allow your mistakes to repeat themselves.”

P. 145: “… Fear reaches only to the point where the unavoidable begins; from there on, it loses its meaning. And all we have left is the hope that we are making the right decision.”

P. 180: “… They had achieved everything they desired because they were not limited by the frustrations of the past.”

P. 193: “The pain you and I feel will never go away, but work will help us to bear it. Suffering has no strength to wound a weary body.”

P. 201: “… I know that children have no past… A child can always teach an adult three things: to be happy for no reason, to always be busy with something, and to know how to demand with all his might that which he desires.”

P. 212: “Tragedies do happen. We can discover the reason, blame others, imagine how different our lives would be had they not occurred. But none of that is important: they did occur, and so be it. From there onward we must put aside the fear that they awoke in us and begin to rebuild.”

Lila: An inquiry into morals/ Robert M. Pirsig

This isn’t a sequel from Zen & the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance. It’s a totally different story, although it does make extensive reference to Pirsig’s earlier work. I think this book might make more sense if you read the earlier book, but even if you don’t, you won’t lose too much. I can’t help but think this book is even more of an autobiography of Pirsig.

NLB Call No.: PIR
Click here to check for item availability.

Chapter 3, P.33: Starts talking about a Professor Verne Dusenberry (there was such a person) who studied Native American Indian culture. The thesis (I think Pirsig’s) was that modern (White) American culture and values (like “freedom”) arose from Native American Indian values. Intriguing. I thought this part was like Dan Brown’s Da Vinci Code, in that it brought on an “intellectual hyperbole” of sorts.

P.34 – 35: Seems to me that Pirsig suggests there is no need, or one is unable, to have “objectivity in anthropological studies. Like saying that it’s the same in Journalism . Somehow it reminds me of Carol C. Kuhlthau’s Information Seeking Behaviour (see here or here).

Chapter 4, P.55 – This chapter provides that continuity from Zen & the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance. It reinforced that the Phædrus character was a reference to mean Persig ‘cos it says Phædrus published a successful book and Lila picks up the story 6 years later. Also mentions that Phædrus/ Pirsig had “enormous problems” (the death of Pirsig’s son?), and that the book was on the subject of Quality.

P.66 – More references to Zen & the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance.

Chapter 6: Switches from narrative from Phædrus’ point of view to 3rd person “the author” – a literary device perhaps… Later I realised chapter 6 was written from the character Rigel’s point of view. A bit disorienting but quite an interesting literary device.

p.91 – Rigel admonishes the message in Zen & the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance (Pirsig taking a dig at himself? Or mocking his critics?)

p.116 – Interesting point made on the Platypus — that when the Platypus was discovered, scientists said it was a paradox. But Pirsig’s point was it was never a paradox or an oddity. It didn’t make sense only to the scientists because they viewed the nature of animals according to their own classification, when nature did not have any.

p.164: Quote:

A thing doesn’t exist because we have never observed it. The reason we have never observed it is because we have never looked for it. And the reason we have never looked for it is that it is unimportant, it has no value and we have other better things to do.

p.185 – Quote:

Just as it is more moral for a doctor to kill a germ than patient, so it is more moral for an idea to kill a society than it is for society to kill an idea.

Chapter 20: p.286 – Pirsig makes reference to his schizophrenia.

p.312: Mentions background to the John Scopes “Monkey Trial” (1925), made into a movie “Inherit the Wind”.

p.317: Quote:

Morals have no objective reality. You can look through a microscope or telescope or oscilloscope for the rest of your life and you will never find a single moral. There aren’t any there. They are all in your head.

P. 331: A glimpse into the root of Lila’s neurosis.
See also chapter 30.
End of chapter 31: The link between Rigel and Lila becomes clear… you have to read the book.

P. 342: A discourse on the development of Philosophy.

P.355 – That you cannot deal with crime by talking crime to death. Quote:

Intellectual patterns cannot directly control biological patterns. Only social patterns can control biological patterns. The instrument of conversation between society and biology has always been a policeman or a soldier and his gun. All laws of history… all the Constitutions… are nothing more than instructions to the military and police. If the military and police can’t or don’t follow these instructions properly they might as well have never been written.

P.442: Quote:
In cultures without books, ritual seems to be a public library for teaching the young and preserving common values and information.

Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance: An inquiry into values/ Robert M. Pirsig

A fellow Seeds O’Light member mentioned this book in one of the email discussion. The title made me curious (I mean, Zen and Motorcycles?) so I quickly obtained a copy from my public library.

I found it to be about attitudes towards life. It weaves a story of a father’s journey with his son on a motorcycle trip, ending in a re-awakening and discovery of the author’s real sense of self.
First published in 1974, the book is Philosophy explained using the analogy of motorcycle repair and maintenance, interspersed with a series of “lecture-essays” – Chautauqua (explanation on p.15: a form of traveling tent-show in early America).

It’s quietly brilliant – I’d honestly say it’s a timeless classic. Thoughtful, metaphysical (a branch of philosophy dealing with the nature of existence, truth and knowledge), movie-like quality, reflective, and insightful.

But it’s not an easy read. Parts of it are heavy going. But hey, skip the tough parts and go to parts you like – but stay the course! The ending is worth it. There’s a feel-good quality to it.

The 25th edition that I’m holding has a Reader’s Guide at the end. I particularly enjoyed the excerpts of correspondence between Robert Pirsig and his editor, James Landis. The letters are a mini-story by themselves, telling you how the book was shaped and eventually published (from June 1968 – Aug 1973).

In the Afterword section, Pirsig shares more about the writing of the book. He also tells of the murder of his son and his eventual closure (p.415 – p.418), much like the Buddhist concept of reincarnation, explained from another perspective.

My favourite passages:
P.61: The idea that people get upset because it’s an intrusion into their reality. “It just blew a hole right through his whole groovy way of looking at things and he would not face up to it because it seems to threaten his whole life style.” I think that’s why people resist change and/ or get upset when proven wrong, or told of what to do etc.

p.152: “You are never dedicated to something you have complete confidence in. No one is fanatically shouting that the sun is going to rise tomorrow… When people are fanatically dedicated to political or religious faiths or any other kinds of dogmas or goals, it’s always because these dogmas or goals are in doubt.” Hmm…

p.272: What I’d consider as the best advice any parent can give to their child.
Son: “What should I be when I grow up?”
Man: “Honest”.
Son: “I mean what kind of job?”
Man: “Any kind.”
And I think to myself, it’s really just as simple as that.

p. 314 (on the “Trap of Ego”): “If you have a high evaluation of yourself then your ability to recognize new facts is weakened. Your Ego isolates you from the Quality reality. When the facts show that you’ve just goofed, you’re not as likely to admit it. When false information makes you look good, you’re likely to believe it… You’re always fooled, you’re always making mistakes…” – Sounds exactly like the story of “The Emperor’s New Clothes”

There’s a related discussion forum – http://www.moq.org/

If you enjoy this book, you might like Sophie’s World by Jostein Gaarder (1995):